Bloodline Review

Netflix Originals are synonymous with quality but why the hell does everyone like Bloodline?

Bad things....Happen...And Stuff...
Bad things….Happen…And Stuff…

The pilot episode reveals this well-to-do southern family and their Inn/hotel estate…thing… and we find out the family has quite the dynamic. Oh boy!

Everyone tries to please the Mom (how relatable hehehehe!) and the dad is tired of his kids (Just like our dads amirite?), one brother is a fuck up, the other is a sheriff (ooooh!) and the other brother is actually a sister and she’s a woman. Or I forgot there is another brother who doesn’t like the fuck up for fucking up and is vocal about it but that’s about all we’ll see from him.

That's the chick from Grandma's Boy. What are they looking at?
That’s the chick from Grandma’s Boy. What are they looking at?

The fuck up dies because he… yup… fucks up… and the sheriff drags his body around. But hey if you like long boring scenes of a family reunion and every reminding us that the fuck up is going to fuck up then this “slow burn” is perfect for you. They say it’s like Breaking Bad but if Breaking Bad had a more mild and predictable climax at the end and a slower boring chase to the mediocre ending, then yes this would be Breaking Bad.

And that’s the first episode. Good night.

Oh wait people complained about these complaints already. That we’re not “smart enough” to understand it. Well you’re wrong, the pilot has no real plot it just showcases a bunch of quirky rich people screwing around. A murder happens but we don’t see but we can sure guess it rather easily who the murderer is.

Is the “magic” in the boring moments on beach? The attitudes the characters reasonably have towards predictable actions? Or is it just lifted from other “rich people dramas” that plague showtime, HBO, TNT, Fox, AMC, and so on? This was boring and it’s made for an audience that like soapy boring dramas, there’s nothing genius about it and it doesn’t “break the rules” or “change the game” you’re just their target audience.

“Struggle” “Conflict” “Drama” “Drama” “Other Words”

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